im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
