Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
