btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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