tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
