Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
