I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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