He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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