Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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