we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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