I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
