I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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