If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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