Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
