I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
