we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
