Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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