Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
