just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
