I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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