You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
