Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
