we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
