Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
