The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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