Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
