don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
