i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
