How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
