I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
