he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
