We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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