you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
