Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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