I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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