Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
