So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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