ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
