i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
