I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
