i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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