I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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