wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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