saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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