I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
