My liver just broke up with me...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
