So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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