just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
