someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
not ubering you a puppy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
