I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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