I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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