i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
