well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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