the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
