Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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