Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
