there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
