she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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